Caring for your teenage child who has Same-Sex Attraction, Part 2.
A Beautiful Marriage
The goal for your child should be to give your child an overall picture of the beauty of Christ and the Gospel. How we live, enjoy and honor Christ should be the goal of our lives. Our sexual desires and how we live them out, is a part of how we honor the Lord. You need to avoid pulling out random verses that talk about why homosexuality is wrong and instead give your child a wide picture of biblical sex. Being able to relate the Old Testament teachings to the New Testament teachings and how all of this relates to your child’s life right now. There will be emphasis on the fact that homosexual acts in the Bible are said to be sinful. “Every text addressing the issue portrays homosexual unions as sinful. Second, homosexual unions are forbidden through different genres of biblical writing: in both legal and narrative literature” (Fortson) However, the goal is not to stop there. One needs to explain why this is seen as sinful, and one of those arguments is the fact that God created sexual union to be done in the context of a marriage, between a man and a woman. Nowhere in the Bible is there ever a reference to a godly union between two people of the same sex. “The Old Testament is not a collection of unrelated laws against sexual sin. It articulates an overall understanding of the place for sex: in marriage between one male and one female” (Fortson). One only has to look at Genesis 1-3 to see that God’s idea for sexual union was always meant to be between one man and one woman.
The New Testament is also clear with this teaching on homosexual union. In Mark 10:6-9 the verses reference God naming Adam and Eve both male and female and that the two will become one flesh. This passage shows that “the creation story defined sexual relationships and limited marriage to a man and a woman. The obvious implication is that marriage is not between men and animals or people of the same gender” (Fortson) This is where the idea of “complementary” comes in. The idea that God made both man and woman complementary to each other. “Eve was exactly like Adam in so many ways, yet distinctly different in significant ways that made them sexually and emotionally complementary” (Senkbeil) There is no discussion in the Bible where two people of the same sex complement each other in marriage and sexual union. Whenever this is described it is only between a man and a woman. God specifically designed man and woman to complement each other in their bodies, giftings and roles. “Man can only be fully human in fellowship and partnership with woman; woman complements and completes man, as man complements and completes woman” (Hoekema).
The focus does not need to be on pointing out that marriage was designed to be between a man and a woman, but more importantly, why God did this. Is there a deeper meaning of marriage than what the world shows us? Keller says that “marriage was created to be a reflection on the human level of our ultimate love relationship and union with the Lord. It is a sign and foretaste of the future kingdom of God.” Marriage points to the day when all believers will be united with Christ. God confirms this hope by making a covenant with his children. This covenant begins in the Old Testament with God through Adam, Noah and Abraham and was made into a new covenant with Christ, a spiritual covenant. “Why do we say that marriage is the most deeply covenantal relationship? It is because marriage has both strong horizontal and vertical aspects to it” (Keller). God has made a covenant with believers and when a man and a woman get married, their marriage is a symbolic reflection of God’s covenant with his children. Rachel Gilson goes into wonderful detail as to why marriage was created to tell the story of the covenant. A covenant is:
“Faithful, because God’s love is faithful. Sexual, because God’s love is full of desire and pleasure and closeness. Fruitful, because God’s love produces new life. Male and female, because God’s love in Christ is one ‘actor,’ and his people, the church, are another-and they combine into an elegant unity.”
It is seeing the beauty of marriage the way God has designed it that can keep your child from pursuing a same-sex union, knowing that marriage is not just about sex or pleasure, but something greater than all of those things. It’s about being united with Christ forever. There is a beauty found in difference. “The gospel is about an uncrossable chasm shockingly bridged. We are made in God’s image, yet he is also completely other. Males and females are equally human yet inescapably different from each other. The metaphor’s power is in showing love across a fundamental, primary difference” (Gilson) In Romans 1, Paul clearly writes about how going against God’s design for sexuality and marriage is a direct showing of sinful rebellion. Andreas Köstenberger writes that “homosexuality is so ‘contrary to nature’ that its participants cannot help but be aware of the fact that their actions are incompatible with the Creator’s design for marriage and the family and that this willful rebellion against God renders them ultimately deserving of death.” In the Bible, marriage is a beautiful picture of unity in Christ, a difference between humans and God but united by God’s faithfulness and covenantal love. Marriage is a reflection of that difference in a man and a woman, and homosexual union goes against God’s design and is therefore a reflection of our fallen sinful temptations.
Fortson III, S. Donald and Rollin G. Grams. Unchanging Witness: The Consistent Christian Teaching on Homosexuality in Scripture and Tradition. Nashville: B&H Academic, 2016.
Senkbeil, Harold L. The Care of Souls: Cultivating a Pastor’s Heart. Marlton: Lexham Press, 2019.
Hoekema, Anthony A. Created in God’s Image.
Keller, Timothy and Kathy. The Meaning of Marriage.
Gilson, Rachel. Born Again This Way. Denmark: The Good Book Company, 2020.
Köstenberger, Andreas J. and David W. Jones. God, Marriage and Family: Rebuilding the Biblical Foundation. Wheaton: Crossway.
